“See You Later?”

“See you later?”

Dammit! She meant that to be a light hearted and care-free statement, not a loaded emotional co-dependent question, as if she couldn’t bear to see him go, that’s the way it came out sounding to her.

Maybe I’m just being too sensitive she thought.

“Yeah, I’ll see you later” he said as he got to the door, turned to look at her and turned the knob.

She looked around the room and saw all their stuff; she took up the tee shirt that he slept in and inhaled his scent.

She couldn’t figure out what was happening in their relationship, she seemed very unsure of herself around him and he seemed to be tip-toeing around as if he didn’t want to ruffle any feathers. It was becoming uncomfortable, a chore. It wasn’t supposed to be this hard, was it?

She remembered the first time they met and how awkward it had been. He was an athlete very good looking and sexy but seemed seriously unaware of it. He was low-key, humble and seemed very intense in a dark brooding way, kind of mysterious. She felt the attraction right away but was so shy and lacked self-confidence she ignored him.

He was a friend of a friend and when they were introduced he had the warmest smile and sincerity in his eyes when he said,”hi, how’re you doing?”

“Fine and you?” she’d answered.

“Good, good”, he had replied.

 “I know you are related to Robert, is he your brother?”

“No, he’s my cousin, how did you meet him?”

“He came to the field while we were training and we started talking”.

That’s how it all began; she remembered she couldn’t believe he was talking to her. She wasn’t even in his league of friends, she was the one always in the background, the one everyone knows is there, but not really. She was excited and still thought it was just weird that he was so warm and charming talking to her. She had told her best friend; even she was impressed and jealous.

He came to the house many times after with the pretext of seeing my cousin Robert because my father was very strict so seeing Robert made the visit legit. He was a very brave young man and quite likable, so much so, that my dad began joining in the conversations and arguments they would have. She admired him and began to fall for him a little harder than she had thought possible.

That was fifteen years ago! They had been together ever since, except that one time when they got separated over a stupid misunderstanding and was apart for two months. He then got involved with a neighborhood girl who was just waiting for the right moment to pounce and pounce she did. Their daughter was now the product of that misunderstanding.

She was inconsolable when it had happened. He told her without holding back, the stark unvarnished truth about what had happened, he knew how much he had hurt her, he apologized. She was angry, she yelled, she chased him out of her life, she ignored him for days on end, she was crazy with indecisions. She questioned him about the minute details as if she trying to punish him over and over as well as herself. He answered every question without making excuses.

“We had a misunderstanding and you went and got a child, how the hell did that happen?”

“How could that have happened, I read, I analyzed, I took the blame, I thought I was too rigid, needed to be more loose, thought I needed to be more understanding, I thought and thought. I didn’t go out and sleep with the first guy I saw, you went and had a child, oh my God, who does that?”

He listened to my ranting and raving, he comforted me when I cried, he apologized and took full responsibility, I continued ranting and raving. I packed my bags, I fled with my heart and I cried some more. I ignored his phone calls, I ate very little, I internalized and questioned. I found out I loved wine-coolers. I listened to music and I thought some more. It was awful. It was painful. It was the beginning of a new truth.

We got through the initial shock and searing pain, we were now at a place where we were dealing with it; the pain of betrayal had lessened but was still present every time he came in later than he said he would or special birthdays and holidays came around.

 Trust has been severely eroded but everyone deserves a second chance and he has proven himself ‘trustworthy’ ever since then, calling and checking in even though I had never asked him to do so. Trust can be regained, of course it can, but never to the degree it was once was and maybe that’s not a bad thing. Maybe one needs not to be too trusting, too secure in monogamy knowing that at any moment temptations and the lack of self-control can result in things unimaginable to one’s psyche and relationship.

                              

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The phone rang; startled for a second, still deep in thought, his tee shirt fell from her hand as she picked up the phone, “hello”

 “Hi”

His voice did amazing things to her; it was like sweet wine on a cold, crisp winter’s night spreading warmth throughout her body.

 “Hi”

 “Just needed you to know that I love you, thinking about you and yeah I’ll definitely be back later because you’ll be there and I will always want to come home to you.”

 “I know that, I love you too.”

“See you later!”

That time it came out just right! She threw the phone down, turned the music way up as she danced across the floor.

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