December 9, 2009

Characters

In Jamaica we have some very colourful and wild characters. How they arrive in our everyday lives, conversations and folklore is beyond me, but they are there ‘living and
breathing’ like a normal person. I will elaborate on three I’m familiar with here in this space.

Firstly, there’s “Ben Johnson” nope, not the Olympic runner. Our “Ben Johnson” shows up on a Thursday usually, the day before pay day and you guessed it, he’s usually “bruk like chuch (church) mouse”. (If you are a non- Jamaican reading this it means, he’s greatly lacking in his finances.) The conversation usually goes like this…

John: “Wha gwaan, gimme a money nuh”. (What’s up? May I have a couple of dollars?)
Tony: “Bwoy tiday a Ben Johnson day yuh nuh. (I have no money today, my finances is sorely lacking)

Don’t know who this person is or how he became synonymous with ‘having no money’ but he is there living and breathing among us like a family member.

Next, we have a “Mr. Joe Grind”, he’s very self-explanatory, (but again for my non-Jamaican readers) he’s usually the man the wife or girlfriend is cheating with behind their spouses back. His mode of entrance and exit is usually the back door or bedroom/bathroom window. He’s quite famous as he’s featured in songs, stage plays and even cuss-cuss among neighbours. I’m sure there are different names for him elsewhere because he’s a universal figure. Sometimes he’s the best friend of the woman’s husband or boyfriend and most times the whole neighbourhood knows about the illicit relationship before he has any inkling of what’s going on. But God help his wife/girlfriend and “Joe” when they are found out!!

Then we have “Ferdie”! He is a downer. He is usually in a mood and feeling crappy, miserable and out of sorts. Any number of things could contribute to his feeling this way.
The conversation usually goes like this…

John: “Wha gwaan, den a how yuh look so, wha ‘appen? (What’s up? You’re looking sad/down/miserable, what’s going on?)
Tony: “Man, a feel like Ferdie…”

Ferdie is really the topic of my blog post today but I had to give some background information so one could understand the dialogue I had with my sweet, loving (but had no clue) cousin about “Ferdie”. I will change her name to protect the innocent.

She texted me…

Francine’s text: “Hey, yuh deh deh?” (Are you there?) (Make no mistake, Francine has two degrees and is highly intelligent but she LOVES her native patois and because I can read it fluently we often communicate this way)

Me: “Yeah I’m here, *sigh*, feeling like “Ferdie”.

Francine: “Well mi know she sing wid di peas dem but mi noh know dem songs so dat one went strait ova mi head.”… (Well, I know she sings with the Black Eye Peas but not really familiar with their songs so I didn’t get the simile)

Me: “What!! OMG!! You so funny…not FerGie, FerDie!! Usually when someone remarked they feel like “Ferdie”, in short, Ferdie felt… @%#!!?*& UP!!

Francine: Lol!!

Me: You so young, ask your mom about “Ferdie.”

Francine: “Who di hell is “Ferdie” anyway?”

Me: “Don’t know, but he must have been a rather unfortunate fellow.”

Francine: “Now dat is funny, well ‘ope yuh feel betta soon.”

Me: “Yeah me too...Lata.”

After that I was laughing so hard I did feel a bit better…