Haunted Shell of a Woman

Saw this ‘ghost’ of a woman approaching as I folded and straightened articles of clothing at work recently. It was as if she was floating, barely stepping as if she was afraid of doing so. She was actually walking in fear, stepping gingerly. I didn’t stare as much as I wanted to; it would’ve been rude, I knew better.

She was beautiful at one time; she had that kind of face. She had soft wavy hair which was caught up in a pony-tail but the texture was very dry. Eyes were saggy with black bags beneath them. She tried applying mascara on her lashes but the ends came out clumped. She tried lipstick but it wasn’t applied properly or maybe it was, before she got to the store. In any case it was her whole demeanor that was sickly, sad and pathetic looking. She was extremely thin with clothes hanging loosely on her body even though she took the time to belt her waist. Which told me all was not lost; she still cared about her appearance. What was it that was dragging her down so badly, cos I swear if you ‘look’ closely enough you could actually see her baggage.

She came up behind me, I wasn’t aware of her presence so close to me until she inquired about a shirt she wanted to purchase for her boyfriend. I was a bit startled and she apologized. Beautiful sing-song articulate voice. I helped her to pick out the shirts and sizes she was looking for and asked if it was his birthday. She replied no, it wasn’t, but he works outdoors and he needed warm shirts. I replied that he was a lucky man and hoped he realized how lucky he was. She shook her head no, he didn’t realize how lucky he was and wasn’t even aware of her own birthday. Hadn’t acknowledged it as long as they have been together.

“Are you kidding me, how long have you been together?”
“Two years and he doesn’t even acknowledge my birthday or takes me out anywhere, in the meantime he gets dressed and goes out with other women and comes home to me and doesn’t even know how I pay the rent. He went out and had a child and I took him back and he curses at me and beats on me at times my mouth bleeds so badly.”

It was like I opened up something inside her when I asked how long they’ve been together. A torrent of words came pouring out and then she was strangely quiet.
I looked at her and asked, “Are you still with him?” which in retrospect was a stupid-ass question as here she was actually shopping for him.

I asked her, “What makes you think you deserve to be treated that way by anyone?”
She looked at me and didn’t reply. Really didn’t expected her to know right then.
“What happened to you and whom or what damaged your self-esteem so very badly that you think you deserve to be treated that way?’
“You do know that by your reaction and what you are willing to tolerate, you teach people how they should treat you, right, you do know that?
No answer.
“Where are you from?” I asked, as if that should have mattered.
She told me and asked where I was from, I told her and I began to tell her the story of our national heroine, Nanny. Why? I really wasn’t sure at the time, but I wanted to give her an example of a great and courageous woman of power, even with so little at her disposal and nothing but a strong will, not to be captured or dominated and how greatly and valiantly she fought. I wanted to show her a woman’s strength. I needed her to know that she too has an inner strength, even if she wasn’t aware of it. She had great inner courage too, just needed to unearth it.

I told her about our heroine that fought the British soldiers when they tried to capture the Maroons (of which she was one). She fought with skill and ingenuity and her weapons were sticks, rocks and cunningness of the mind, while the soldiers had muskets (Colonial day’s weaponry) and other more sophisticated (at that time) means of fighting.
I then told her then that under no circumstances after “Nanny” went through all of that I would allow any man to treat me that way. I explained that I know what I was worth and I have a very healthy self-esteem and I just wasn’t going to tolerate that kind of treatment as that wasn’t love but evil and manipulation disguised as love.

She didn’t have a chick or child for him, she was financially independent (the apartment’s lease was in her name) so why? Why did she think she had no options? This wasn’t the Islands; this was the great U.S. of A!! She has rights under the law. She has options and motive to kick his worthless, manipulative, and pathetic cowardly ass!!

She was an abused woman, in every sense of the word and all that it entails.

“Are you serious?” I was as mad as hell! I was hurting for her and I was simultaneously mad at her. “Weird huh?” Didn’t even know the woman from Eve!

She was taking all this in and when I was finished she said, “You are so right, thank you”.
This was said in awe and gratefulness but with little conviction as on a deeper level, she wasn’t yet ready to make any changes. (All that is my own assumptions of course, but I know I’m right.) She still had the shirts in her shopping basket.

She half-heartedly said she was going to put the shirts back and I told her, she wasn’t yet ready for that. I told her I would pray for her to have her spirit awaken and for God to give her strength and clarity. I told her she needed to find her worth and self-esteem so she could, in the process find herself. I said my good-bye and wished her well (in every sense of the word).

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Update!!

Saw this young lady again the other day and she looked and acted very differently, how? She was smiling a lot more, she carried herself with more confidence and I knew there was a subtle shift in her awareness. I was happy to see her and all the immediate changes; even her hair was looking great. It was an attitude change I know and it all won’t happen overnight, but it was a start.

I of course apologized for being so obnoxious the last time I saw her and she was very gracious in acknowledging that she needed to hear what I had to say. I was pleased and grateful I had said something she needed to hear that made a difference in her life.

We women are an amazing bunch and when we need our God-given strength we just have to dig deeply enough and have faith and keep stepping out there!
Yeah for us women!!