May 12, 2009


When Do You Say When?

Been going through some emotional, passive-aggressive, stone- walling experiences lately with my significant other and the above question popped into my head and I’m just wondering when do you just say, “to hell with this!” and walk away huh?

I know in every relationship, there are ups and down, good and bad moments and we more or less have to try to resolve same especially if child (ren) are involved and most importantly if we still have something tangible to hold us together. I know I love my husband and family unit, I also know that life is not perfect nor do I expect it to be, but sometimes I know I really, really dislike him too, or rather his ways, especially his passive-aggressive, behaviour which to me is infantile and just plain stupid!! Seriously the way he operates sometimes, he makes it easy, very easy to dislike him and his annoying attitudes, some days, weeks or even months. This problem is not unique to me and mine I’m sure. I know there are people out there with whom this resonates.

If there’s a problem I will speak up and I expect the same from him, but he hardly ever says anything, he will listen patiently and says things like, “why would you say that? Or he’ll say, “What do you mean by that?” but he never fully expresses himself verbally, that just makes me really angry!! Know what that makes me look like? A nag! Yeah that’s how I end up sounding when I am speaking and he has nothing to say, I sound and look like a nag, which I am most emphatically not! So now I shut up and nothing gets resolved. It can be a rather frustrating cycle.

I expect him to be responsible and diligent in taking care of his family and I really don’t tolerate excuses or mediocre explanations that cannot be proven and yet this is the same man whom when I was ill and in incredible and indescribable pain he was there for me, washing and taking care of me, making sure I had whatever I needed and woke up every morning, got our son ready for school and made sure I was set before he left for work. I can hear the whisperings, “but that’s his job right, the vows said for better or worse.” Yeah, about that, saying the vows is one thing, but when reality hits it’s something else. Seemed to me he’s at his best when I’m down. He knew exactly what to do and go about it seamlessly, but the minute I’m back on my feet, he’s back to the same old, same old “couldn’t- care- if- Sunday- falls- on- a- Monday- type of man.”
What is that about?

He’s a rather generous man and very even-tempered most of the times. He gets along great with his friends and is easily approachable. We get along great most of the times and he and our son do have a really good relationship full of life, laughter and special times together. But for the times we don’t get along so smoothly, everything is magnified times ten and I’m sure that’s not fair, but that’s how life is, sometimes it stinks!

Anyway, I guess deep down I know how much I can and will tolerate because everyone has a point of no return and truthfully I am now frustrated and pissed off but I don’t think I’m there as yet…lata!