On Being Fat!


Went to the mall the other day and had my fantasy and my self-denial came face to face to a screeching halt!! I was not ready for it! I was forced to see the truth in one of those dressing room mirrors. The mirror had three panels and I kept looking into each one separately, to see, if by chance I was not what the others were telling me, that yes, you’re fat, deal with it!! Still wasn’t ready….

I am unemployed and was a bit down for awhile and being an emotional eater doesn’t help at all. I am five feet and three inches tall (or not) and being fat is not healthy for me physically and on a pure cosmetic level, I look like a barrel with legs!!! So, you get the drift. I am not 300-400lbs, no, I’m not there or even hope to reach there at all,nooo,I just want to be able to fit in my clothes comfortably and stop fidgeting and trying to fix stuff so I can be comfortable in my size and not a size above…..I’m not trying to be a skinny-minny, nope, just wanna be me again, at a size I don’t have to fight to get my jeans on.

Trying to figure out why some people can eat as much as they can and not gain an ounce while some only smell the food and blow up like a blow fish. I know the genetic components has a lot to do with it and a little thing called discipline… as in the discipline to eat more healthy foods and cut out the sweets and fat products and to exercise ,exercise and exercise….not there yet, and therein lies the problem….

The fantasy I spoke about earlier on was about going to the mall and buying ‘springy’ colourful and sexy clothing for the season and they would just fit beautifully and perfectly on my body without any bulging or buttons straining to stay in their holes across my abdomen area. Talk about being in denial!!! When the truth hits you in a mall dressing room, under bright lights, it ain’t pretty!! OMGosh, when the hell did all this happened? As if I don’t know…..late night snacking hmmm?

So first off, I have to find a picture of me (when I was me and sexy as hell) and pin it on the fridge door to motivate myself and dig real deep for some discipline, lace up my sneakers and start walking, one foot in front of the other until I walk off all the extra pounds I accumulated, like a hibernated bear in the winter…It’s not gonna be fun and I’m gonna whine like crazy and complain to my friends, but it has to get done and that’s that!!

Oh gosh, this is gonna be hell times three and I’m not looking forward to it…..what was that darn word again……Yeah, discipline……whatever!!!