The Verdict!

The verdict of Sean Bell’s trial came in today and it was a great disappointment for those of us who were expecting justice!!

For those of you who had been living under a rock, he was the young man who was killed on his wedding day in the early hours of the morning, after his bachelor’s party at ‘Club Kalua” in Jamaica Queens, about eighteen or so months ago.

All the Officers in the case were freed of all the charges. Every. Single. Charge. Was. Dropped!!!Due to a lot of the evidence from the prosecution that the Judge was convinced wasn’t the truth or was embellished upon or their demeanor on the stand which was combative among other things was part of the reason why they were released and freed of all charges. And still, a man was shot dead 50 times!!! What does that mean? Fifty bullets for a man who was unarmed, and is now DEAD, and that doesn’t count?? Could you shot a dog 50 times in this country, and not face some kind of punishment for it? He was UNARMED!!!!

Fifty shots!!!! And ‘the gun’ they were so convinced that Sean and his friends had is still non-existent to this day. Amadou Diallo was shot 41 times!!! Because his ‘gun’, which so threatened the lives of the cops, was a wallet!! A black wallet!!

Makes me think, another case of the black skinned people of whom we are, our life is dispensable at any time, anywhere and for any old reason. Makes me think, the more things change, the more they stay the same and we are right back at square one.

The president of the P.B.A. (Policemen Benevolent Association) Patrick Lynch said “There were no winners here today”, he’s was right, but he said something else which gave me pause. He said that, it’s good to know that the courts back the officers and that the officers know that when they are in certain situations that require excessive force and has to act, the court is there for them or there to back them up. That was basically the gist of what he said….

My question is, who is there to back up the victims when excessive force is being used, as in 50 and 41 bullets and no gun was found and the other ‘gun’ was a black wallet, who? Who is there to comfort their families and loved ones, who will tell the kids why their daddy can’t or won’t ever come home again, who? Who will tell them he died even though he was innocent and will they understand or be as confused as most of us are time and time again?

I wonder how the other black officers in the force feel when things or situations like this happened. They still have to go to work each day and stand among their ‘brothers’ who are involved in the situation knowing, excessive force was utilized and an Innocent man was killed.

This is by no means to condemn ALL the Police Officers who are out there everyday doing their jobs conscientiously and protecting the citizens of this great nation. We greatly appreciate them and their efforts; we salute them and THANK them. But there’s always a few, (you know, as in every family…. there’s always a ‘black sheep’) who think they’re above the law and now the courts probably just proved them right…..

All I know, is that an Innocent man was shot dead 50 times because he and his friends were perceived as drunken thugs, seemed threatening and was heard to have a gun, of which there was none, and no one is held accountable because “carelessness and recklessness is not criminal”….And still, another mother and father lost their son, a wife lost her husband, children lost their father and his friends are left without him, because, “carelessness and recklessness is not criminal”……..Yeah, tell that to his family, friends, supporters and community.

Going Home, Yeah!


Looking forward to going home to that little rock in the Caribbean called Jamaica! I can’t wait to touch down at Norman Manley Airport and feel the sun in my face and wind as it caresses my cheeks (yeah, sounds cheesy, I know) It’s gonna be sweeeet!!

My last visit home was two years ago when my sister and I went home to bury our mother who passed suddenly from diabetic complications. It was bitter sweet. It’s always nice and exciting to go home, but not to bury ones mother, and so, we didn’t get a chance to really see or do anything as everything else pales in comparison to the task we had at hand and the pain and suffering we were going through at the time. It’s definitely gonna be bitter sweet again and I’m not gonna fight my feelings of pain, I’m gonna embrace it and feel it and move through it and try to get some semblance of peace…..

Looking forward to be in cool, cool Mandeville and just drinking in the sights, sounds and the whole atmosphere of this unspoilt little city that is fast becoming over-populated. There’s something special about Mandeville that I’ve noticed. Other than the cool temperatures and quaint village-like English-setting, whenever one is crossing the pedestrian crossings, cars are expected to stop and give you the right-of- way, well in Mandeville, the cars usually slow down and let you cross ANYWAY whether you’re on the pedestrian crossings or not, seriously!! This is not the norm with J’can drivers!!! I’ve recalled the many mornings rushing to work and not wanting to be late and just put my hand up like a traffic cop and they’d slow and let me cross without yelling or shouting obscenities at me or anyone else for that matter.

When I went home two years ago, I stood in Mandeville Park and was smiling broadly to myself as I observe the same thing happening as it did years before. This was entirely a new generation of taxi-drivers doing this and I thought to myself, wow!! This is pretty special… The ones who didn’t do it, you could tell they were from else where. I’ve lived in Bridgeport (Portmore) St.Thomas, Canada and now Queens, NY and if you even attempt to cross the Pedestrian crossing without the “Walk” sign, you’re deliberately putting your life in danger and tempting fate. Mandeville is a pretty special place, and of course I’m biased, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Everyone loves something about their parish and think its special in its own way…..right?


Can’t wait to connect with my friends and some of my relatives (after taking care of some important business) and…. you know, just sitting back, breathing, chilling and eating some good food among other things. Yeah, it’s gonna be sweeeeet!!!........Later

On Being Fat!


Went to the mall the other day and had my fantasy and my self-denial came face to face to a screeching halt!! I was not ready for it! I was forced to see the truth in one of those dressing room mirrors. The mirror had three panels and I kept looking into each one separately, to see, if by chance I was not what the others were telling me, that yes, you’re fat, deal with it!! Still wasn’t ready….

I am unemployed and was a bit down for awhile and being an emotional eater doesn’t help at all. I am five feet and three inches tall (or not) and being fat is not healthy for me physically and on a pure cosmetic level, I look like a barrel with legs!!! So, you get the drift. I am not 300-400lbs, no, I’m not there or even hope to reach there at all,nooo,I just want to be able to fit in my clothes comfortably and stop fidgeting and trying to fix stuff so I can be comfortable in my size and not a size above…..I’m not trying to be a skinny-minny, nope, just wanna be me again, at a size I don’t have to fight to get my jeans on.

Trying to figure out why some people can eat as much as they can and not gain an ounce while some only smell the food and blow up like a blow fish. I know the genetic components has a lot to do with it and a little thing called discipline… as in the discipline to eat more healthy foods and cut out the sweets and fat products and to exercise ,exercise and exercise….not there yet, and therein lies the problem….

The fantasy I spoke about earlier on was about going to the mall and buying ‘springy’ colourful and sexy clothing for the season and they would just fit beautifully and perfectly on my body without any bulging or buttons straining to stay in their holes across my abdomen area. Talk about being in denial!!! When the truth hits you in a mall dressing room, under bright lights, it ain’t pretty!! OMGosh, when the hell did all this happened? As if I don’t know…..late night snacking hmmm?

So first off, I have to find a picture of me (when I was me and sexy as hell) and pin it on the fridge door to motivate myself and dig real deep for some discipline, lace up my sneakers and start walking, one foot in front of the other until I walk off all the extra pounds I accumulated, like a hibernated bear in the winter…It’s not gonna be fun and I’m gonna whine like crazy and complain to my friends, but it has to get done and that’s that!!

Oh gosh, this is gonna be hell times three and I’m not looking forward to it…..what was that darn word again……Yeah, discipline……whatever!!!

Random Thoughts


It’s a beautiful spring afternoon, warm, about 56 degrees and of course it’s raining. Light showers coming down and the whole neighbourhood (from my verandah steps anyway) looks so clean and almost antiseptic. The trees are just beginning to bud and the streets are clean, my neighbour’s yard on both sides and in front of me is spotless, no cars came tearing down the street without regards for the pedestrians and for a moment, just a moment, all seems well with the world. It’s like all the world was being cleansed and it was quiet and peaceful and just beautiful and you wished with all your heart it would remain like that for a while longer, before the six o’clock news comes on and reality returns….


I woke up this morning in high spirits (could’ve been the coffee) and wanted to go shopping! Except of course, I don’t have that kind of money…It’s another beautiful day and it’s sunny and my spirit is up and there are certain days when the weather is gorgeous and I just want to do something totally unrealistic and totally out of character for me. (I budget for everything and I’m big on prioritizing) I saw a “Marshalls” commercial on TV and just wanted to go shopping for beautiful ‘springy’ clothes with pretty colours and sexy strappy sandals and fruit coloured (pear-green, pomgrenate-red, and vibrant oranges) hand bags. Sometimes the sun has that effect on me like a drug or something. I don’t know what it is, but it has the power to lift my spirit and enhance my mood and it’s just amazing!! Maybe because we are now rid of the “Winter Blahs” and summer is around the corner and that means long, sun-filled days and nice breezy evenings. Either way, I gotta go and make my budget for summer camp now…. Let’s see now..... fees, clothes, transportation etc., etc., etc….

Took care of my niece the other evening for about two hours, it was sooo much fun, the child run me ragged, OMGosh!!! There’s a reason why women have kids when they’re young, that’s because then you have enough energy to run after them. She’s fourteen months old and smart as a whip. She’s VERY familiar with the phone and its usage, sticking it between her ear and shoulder as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. She’s bow-legged and can dance up a storm, and looks sooo cute in her jeans. She turns the TV on and off at will and tries her best to pull down everything in sight and trying saying ‘no’, to her and she argues back at you….how do I know? Not just by her babbling, but by the way her face looks when she is babbling and the intensity of her voice….She’s such a darling though (especially when she’s sleepingJ). I really love having her over, (1) because she’s such a joy and enriches my life and (2) she drives my son absolutely crazy!! And I love it, cos sometimes he needs to think of others before himself, a lesson you’re never too young to learn….. Later!